Thursday 21 January 2010

This whole smartphone fight

So I read the other day that Apple were mulling over the possibility of switching its iPhone search from Google to Bing. So its not just about hardware, OS and software applications any more its also about services. That made my head hurt, how can I compare which Phone I want when I have to compare search, with design, with gaming possibilities, with OS platform for instance?

When the PC first came out - the smartphone's predecessor - all you did was pick your OS from DR Dos, CP/M, MS Dos or OS 2, then pick your Motherboard - The Mobo awards were then between Gigabyte, Tyan and MSI, riotous parties they were - CPU, Graphics Card, Case, Memory, Drives and bobs your uncle. Upgrading was a simple task of changing a part.

With Phones its all integrated circuitry so its more like a Prix Fixe menu at a posh restaurant - you choose the restaurant and you eat what your given. With PC's it was more like scruffing about the kitchen to see what you can muster up. If the iPhone looses Google search and Google Maps, can that Prix Fixe menu loose a Michelin star? Certainly. But you still have to eat the cabbage on the menu because you're stuck with it. Can't scruff around the kitchen and replace the Mayonnaise in your Nutella and Banana sandwich with a lashing of yummy Soy Sauce, oh no, not that easy.

Which brought me to writing my top secret Michelin Star guide for smartphones, just like the famous French Michelin Star guide for rating Restaurants and their menus. Did you know in the original Michelin Star guide the men's restroom should to be less distance than the women's, or that it is recommended that all food should be served by men, otherwise Nul Points. Some say rules like these still exist but no one can prove it because the rules of scoring are still secret.

I've kept my guide conceptually similar, faithful to the father of all guides, The Michelin Star Guide and its appraisal technique known as the 'Technique Purs De Testicules" or the "Pure Bollox" technique.

I hope this may assure the less convinced members of our readership that editorial integrity and independence was of the highest French standards.

So here goes, 20 features scored with between 1 to 3 Stars.
1 Star being 'ce jouet monte le passage arrière'
3 Stars being 'il est magnifique mon petit jouet'

The contenders are: iPhone 3GS - Google Nexus One - Nokia N900 - HTC HD2

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