Monday, 21 October 2013

The Conspiracy

The Conspiracy has just come out on Blu-ray and DVD, right when you weren’t looking, and I’m not sure whom it’s for. It’s like fiction based in truth, the truth being the delusional ramblings of street preachers talking endlessly about the Illuminati, lizard people, 9/11 being an invitation for war from Americans and fiction being that it isn’t really a documentary like it pretends.


The reason I don’t know who it’s for is because as a fiction, watching the characters getting drawn into this is boring, if it was a real life documentary then some of the Tarsus club bits would make you spray excrement from dawn till fucking dusk, but only if you truly believed what was going on. Maybe it’s meta-paranoia, telling you not to believe everything you hear just because its spoon-fed to you in a style normally associated with truth. To people who already believe the government is controlling us and doing wars for a laugh (as opposed to pure greed of liquid black gold) it is a slap in the face. How much of a face-slap? To understand, gain a small knowledge of computer programming and watch the nineties film Hackers and notice your face being patronised off by their Wikipedia levels of research.

The film starts off with two guys making a documentary on a lunatic with a megaphone called Travis who stands on corners of streets in New York yelling at passers by. The main content of his ‘warnings’ are that the government has convinced the passers by that they are free when really they are slaves. Personally a hypothetical slave with a coffee, an iPhone and an intelligent, interesting, sexually liberated nymphomaniac girlfriend, for example, seems to me to be a much more satisfying and appealing kind of slavery than his ‘freedom’.


It’s the freedom of wearing the same clothes for years on end and being surrounded by constant reminders of your own disintegrating soul every time you see a smiling couple or look at last nights dinner slowly becoming infested with spiders and larvae as it collapses out of its fucking pot onto your carpet. A carpet that in turn is 40% cigarette butts, 15% self pumped semen and the rest just random effluent of bile and evidence of your hatred for humanity that you voluntarily abandoned. Remember sometimes the only difference between freedom and abandonment is perspective.

Anyway, eventually Travis goes fucking missing somehow, and this ends up convincing one of the guys (Aaron) to look into what he’s been researching for the past few years, which he obviously figures out in less than a few minutes. Aaron gets burgled at one point and immediately thinks this is the government after him to stop him from interfering. He has a really expensive mac pro set-up and loads of other shit, despite this the thieves only took forty dollars and some trainers. Whether this was the government or some thieves, they DEFINITELY would have taken the computer, I mean its worth loads of money and would have all the evidence on it.


This is one of the very few plot issues I had, there aren’t that many considering it is essentially a paranoia horror of sorts. Later they stumble across this club that world leaders attend every few years (I had heard about this ten years ago so it’s a real theory, possibly a real thing) which is depicted as an eyes wide shut mixed with a Freemason’s style retreat for George Bush and I dunno… fucking mother Theresa’s handmaidens. Money laundering con artist that she was she probably would’ve been here somewhere, if she weren’t safely buried that is.

I’m being a bit of a cock as usual because I did enjoy the film up until I realised it was a fictional Blair Witch style film, and as a directorial debut its pretty clever and very interesting. I watched it in two parts and between part one and two I didn’t trust anything I saw for the next few days, I questioned myself every time I ever felt good about something, say playing with a puppy. Was Google watching just so it could sell me hour-long videos of Pomskies trying to chase each other through long grass? Would a Google executive literally spoon-feeding me tubs of ambrosia-creamed rice while I was watching the mini-wolves in exchange for my bank account details and my last Rolo?

*John Lennon thought something fucked was going on, nothing to do with drugs of course*

I think the only real bad thing about this film is it’s timing, if this had come out before everyone had the internet closer to hand than their own genitals then it could’ve caused quite a stir and freak a lot of people out. It’s actually loads of fun letting yourself believe it, but in a fun ‘not really’ kind of way, not like those delusional underdeveloped simpletons who watched the film Zeitgeist and started a paranoia religion after most of the false claims made in that film. 

If there aren’t lots of pages of evidence to back up claims like this then ignore them. That includes everything you’ve just read that I’ve just written semi drunkenly at 2am. This is just an opinion piece, just like when I say James Franco is a wanker for no reason, or when I say Diablo III was shit, I truly believe this but don’t believe me for the sake of it. Otherwise the government will control your mind, the Illuminati will get you, and the lizard people will rule supreme. Probably Diana Ross.

David Roberts, CeX Lisburn




The Conspiracy at CeX



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