Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Red 2

So Red has just had a sequel released, and though I’ve never seen Red before, I pieced together some idea of what it was about from stories I'd been regaled with and from watching the trailer. After watching Red 2 I can say it’s basically The Expendables mixed with the Academy Award winners from the mid 1990s. Helen Mirren and Anthony Hopkins are incredible in their roles, and it just makes me wish I could act or be Anthony Hopkins. Spending hours psychologically torturing people just to watch it back and rub my hands together menacingly while drooling several pints of sadistic saliva.


The premise of the franchise is basically this. Very dangerous, retired special ops, CIA, MI6, etc. agents have ended up bored out of their minds and are easily coerced into living the exciting lives they left behind for seemingly no reason other than the thrill of it all. I know if I had to sit at home all day with my wife, trying to get excited about my favourite cookery program, it wouldn't take that long before I'd started spiking her food with different drugs just to see what happened.

That’s before I’d eventually torture her on LSD until she forgot who she was, convince her she was a prisoner of war and was doing her country a good service.  Only to let her become used to her foreign surroundings, then drug her months later and letting her wake up in bed as if it was all just a bad dream. But then I'm in a bad mood and I'm fairly sure I'd hate my wife. This may also explain why I'm not married. 

Please don't interpret this as probable cause in the case that anything does happen to my significant other. Though it's unlikely as I'm sure if I woke up married and caring about cookery programs, I'd hang myself instantly. Anyyy...hooo.


The film is in the line of post 80s ironic over the top action films, where everything is somewhat tongue in cheek.  Helen Mirren is painfully attractive as always as a femme fatale ex-MI6 agent, not useful info but true. Things that would've been acceptable in the 80's as cool have crossed into being funny/cool, like getting seamlessly into a speeding car as it drifts around the corner or being Bruce Willis.

So a Korean hitman has been sent to kill everybody he comes in contact with. He knows origami, dresses in Chinese clothes in Hong Kong and is, I assume ironically (as opposed to a racist misunderstanding), representing most of Asia. He probably had Chicken Madras at some point in the film too.  He's basically an evil Kato from the Green Hornet, very smartly dressed, very elegant, eloquent and deadly. 

Bruce Willis plays Bruce Willis, that's all you need to know and he's dating the woman from Weeds who is also really beautiful.  Still wouldn't marry her though. Not that she'd ask, she's dating Bruce Willis. And he'd kick my ass with special effects.


Any way the long and short of it is bad things happen and good guys fix it in an over the top kinda way. Red’s plot, even on Wikipedia, is primarily described as assassinations, explosions and shootouts but I absolutely loved it, watch and learn. I don’t know what you'll learn except that Helen Mirren is still a foxy lady.

Oh and Anthony Hopkins deserves everything he's got. 

Red 2 gets a 4/5 [].

Dave Roberts


Red 2 at CeX



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