Friday, 21 February 2014

You're Next

Ah yes another hacky-slash horror fest to feast the eyes upon.  Now less of the introductions and let's get into the sexy violence.  You're Next is a film that I can shamefully admit to being incredibly eager to watch.  Being an impressionable kind of fellow I went into the film with the high hopes that I previously had with a film I deem to be eerily similar (to some degree) with James DeMonaco’s The Purge.


With The Purge being a (metaphorically speaking) can of excrement mixed with Tesco brand cat-food, I decided to give You're Next a try in the slim hope it could exceed my expectations and hump my eyeballs with fantastic sexy violence and spectacle as one woman proves the incredible human survival instinct.

The film starts off, as many of these types of films do, with a bed getting a well good christening.  Consequently the two involved in our early start hanky panky get their just reward; an axe to the face.  The opening then centres on our protagonist, Erin and her boyfriend.  As they come together with the rest of the family for the annual battle between siblings in the general case of “I am more successful than you”, so on and so forth.  Bored yet?


The next couple of minutes are spent characterising the father and the eldest son as complete tits obsessed with status and money, the mother, as someone trying to keep everyone together, the daughter, in a relationship with a hipster and the other younger son currently engaging his time with some woman fashioning herself to a French prostitute.  Finally when they have sat down to a feast of King Henry the 5th proportions, one of the subsequent boyfriends notices something going on outside while everyone else is arguing and is rewarded with (wait for it) a crossbow bolt to the head.

Unfortunately You're Next delivers poorly on every level imaginable; direction, story-telling, genuine surprise and most of all, atmosphere.  Honestly I don't know why I feel I have to explain this every time to horror film makers but the less you see of an enemy the more frightening they are.  Not only that but when you reveal the enemy nearly halfway through... you're left with this deflated feeling of nonchalance towards the rest of the film as is the case here.

Don't get me wrong the ending, one of the few good bits, I thought was hilarious, ironic even, and one of the kills whilst being something that was beyond childish really gave me a chuckle and was one of the few times I actually enjoyed the film.  I won't spoil the plot but needless to say you could probably figure it out within the first 20 minutes, and even by modern standards that's pretty terrible.


Though what truly frustrated me is the lost potential on this film, it had so many things going for it and on every level it failed to capitalise on them.  You're Next is a frustratingly boring, mediocre film, fine perhaps if you have only just started watching hack/slash/horrors.  But like every other medium You're Next hits nearly every cliché' on the head and cuddles next to it instead of doing something truly different and being entertaining to watch.

My advice; for whatever amount you planned to pay for this film, spend it instead on the Benny Hill CD and play it on repeat while the relatives come over to complain about why you’re still 23 and haven’t been married yet.

You're Next gets a 1/5, []

Peter Faulkner


You're Next at CeX



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