Hey, games are pretty great right? Getting through objectives to be rewarded with story progression, new locations, or even that lovely Achievement or Trophy always feels good. You know what’s not good? Mechanics that treat you like an idiot, ones that make you want to put your controller through the screen and shout “Now, you deserved that you damn, dumb game” before realising you’ve broke the TV, not the game.
If I have to be told that pressing forward on the left analogue stick will result in my character moving forward one more time, I think I will start to bleed from my eyes. Now I know that every game will be someone’s first but come on, its common sense. If you don’t understand that the left analogue stick is for moving, maybe video games are not for you.
4. Fetch Quests
You are the hero of the game, saving the world from an ultimate evil. You meet new people in a city or village and even though they know you are “the chosen one” they have lost their underwear and now you’ve got to walk around the area and look for them. Bring them back, be rewarded with an item and then they ask to look for their pets and then you just want to turn their body parts into a fetch quest.
3. Tower Defence Mission
There’s nothing that kills momentum in a game quite like tower defence missions. The pinnacle of this was in Assassin’s Creed Revelations where you are an older Ezio, trying to uncover your ancestor’s history but you take time out to complete a mandatory tower defence mission in the city. It makes no sense whatsoever and it’s barely ever exciting or implemented right in any video game. All it does is make me wish I don’t ever have to do it again.
2. Bodyguard Missions
Games are pretty sophisticated right? It’s always getting more complex and intelligent except for the one that includes the word “intelligence”. A.I. is still sub-optimal and when you must protect an A.I. character, you are bound to pop a vein in your neck from screaming. The biggest suspects of this are Ashley from Resident Evil 4 and literally all the survivors in the Dead Rising games. Actually, Capacom? Get your A.I. together, damn!
1. Quick Time Events
Video games are excellent because they are interactive entertainment. They let you be the world’s saviour and the defeat ultimate evil. You jump, run around and kill in spectacular moments. Nothing ruins this climax quite like the controls being taken from you and you must press a button based on a prompt that appears on screen. Pressing one button will make your character jump, swing around the enemy, cut them up, back-flip, do the splits and impregnate everyone with a stare. It’s impressive, but you pressed one button. Another annoying time is when you are tasked with mashing a button a billion times in five seconds. It destroys immersion and is so frustrating when it appears in an important moment in a game.
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