I really wanted to try and be nice...
The Fast and the Furious franchise is set in an alternate universe - just before everybody evolves into Pixar's Cars, where all the people of Cuba party in the streets all day, dressed for an MTV music video. Dominic Toretto, played by Vin Diesel, a fairly well built dude with a baby's head and a teenager's mumble, is the best driver around. He can drive a burning heap of scrap, backwards, faster than a muscle car can go at full speed forwards.
Which is why a hacker group (apparently “hacking” consists of saying mainframe a lot and screens with shiny, spinning graphics. It takes every step Mr Robot took to make theirs seem mostly legit and just goes 'nope... flashy things'), headed by Cipher, played by Charlize Theron; who's apparently a badass, because she has blond dreads and wears a Metallica t-shirt, blackmails him by kidnapping an old girlfriend and their baby, into stealing an EMP.
The FBI recruit the rest of Dom's team of criminals to track him and Cipher down, because apparently being an illegal street racer is criteria for being hired by the Bureau. The movie is held together by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and Jason 'Olympic diver' Statham whose on-screen chemistry is great and they have all the best scenes. It was good to see them go full bromosexual.
Fittingly, the movie is also a bit of a love letter to the late Paul Walker (Running Scared, Hustlers) with his character, Bryan Turner, getting more than a few passing mentions. Which was nice as he was a good actor (Go watch Running Scared). My attention span is pretty bad, a GIF is sometimes too long and I can just about get through an episode of The Regular Show. Fate of the Furious is 2 hours and 20 minutes long. For a movie about speed, it's not in any hurry to get anywhere, some basic exposition scenes get dragged out far longer than necessary.
For the most part, the movie looks very nice, not sure if that's down to the cinematographer, Stephen Windon, who has worked on most of the F&F films or the Director F. Gary Gray. (Friday, which is a classic and Straight Outta Compton. Which was a decent movie, but about as accurate as a Stormtrooper). The Fate of the Furious is high fantasy, for boy racers. If you hang out at your local drive-through Maccy D's and then line up to show off your mums Clio 1.6, this movie is probably for you.
There's no logic here and nothing makes sense... There are inconsistencies everywhere... But for all that, it's fairly well shot and edited. At times it feels like a hyperactive, live action, anime.
"Go fast or go home".
★★★☆☆
Bry Wyatt
Fate of the Furious at CeX
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