Friday, 13 October 2017

Transformers: The Last Knight ★☆☆☆☆

Transformers: The Last Knight, is difficult to watch. I have watched it through twice, and I would have been more engrossed staring at a random bit of bark, that had somehow found itself stuck to the side of a shed with poo. Starring Academy award-winning Anthony Hopkins and Academy nominated Mark Wahlberg this is a film that will not define the career of anyone, except perhaps Michael Bay’s ability to jump the shark without ever having a non shark jumpy franchise in the first place.

The film begins back in the olden Game of Thronesy days where King Arthur is in the midst of a generic battle. At this point, I thought I’d put in the wrong Blu-ray since King Arthur was also a recent release until the dialogue started which is so cringey with its attempts at humour and otherwise tediously bad dialogue. Iconic of the Bay. The visuals, while fun to watch (to an extent), make up such a small amount of the movie which, though entitled Transformers, could easily be called bland extras feat. some Transformers... sometimes.

It is very important to Megatron and all the other appliances that they get a stick, given to Merlin in the past which was why he was considered magic since he summoned a dragon. (Game of Thrones is doing well because there’s a dragon in it right? Maybe we should have a dragon too). Presumably, the same one Arthur supposedly killed, despite it being on his team. It’s really hard to follow what’s going on even though the plot is straightforward. The amount of exposition in the movie is unbearable, especially since the plot boils down to “go and get the (aforementioned) staff from the guy”. 

The film is full of things that screams of Michael Bay wishing he was good enough to direct or write Game of Thrones and Star Wars. They have a character that definitely isn’t as charming as BB-8. They even have a character that definitely isn’t C3P0 that they go as far as to draw attention to in lieu of the ability to actually write dialogue anyone would care about. The aspect ratio changes countless times in the middle of a scene which the second you see it is so jarring it detracts from the film, which is fine because the film is terrible.

Multiple characters are brought in to add depth and emotion, fall out of the sky and completely cease to fulfill a role of any kind. The humour, the ‘comic relief’ is just disgustingly cringeworthy. I can’t say enough about how awful this film is, and I went in with an open mind as I have not been hugely against the movies in any way in the past. Transformers: The Last Knight is all the worst things about the franchise and shows an increasing laziness when it comes to almost definite plagiarism thinly disguised as homages. Normally this is where I would say “On the positive side…” but you aren’t getting that. It sucks, don’t let your friends see it.


Dave Roberts

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