Friday 13 July 2018

Pitch Perfect 3 ☆☆☆☆☆

Where do I begin with Pitch Perfect 3? Well, I suppose I can start with a very simple warning. Do not watch Pitch Perfect 3. Just don’t. There is literally nothing to recommend in this utterly soulless cash-grab. Everything about it makes me angry and sad – both moods earned by the fact that this film exists, before even delving into its vast lack of quality. It’s just a bloody awful film. But at least it is the end of the Pitch Perfect saga. While my review should – and indeed, could – end there, it’s only fair to look at the film in a little more detail and find out just why it is one of 2018’s worst releases.

I’m absolutely not the target audience for Pitch Perfect 3, I admit. But I’m man enough to say when a romantic comedy or a musical is a good film, whether it’s my cup of tea or not. Here, it doesn’t take a genius to tell you that quality here is non-existent. For those of you out there who are interested, the film takes place after the highs of winning the world championships, with the Bellas finding themselves split apart and discovering there aren't really any job prospects for making music with your mouth. But when they get the chance to reunite for an overseas USO tour, our group of heroines will come together to make some music, and some questionable decisions, one last time.

If that sounds like an entertaining 93 minutes then read no further, pop the DVD in and you’ll probably have a great time. Because there’s absolutely nothing else to it – and not in a fun mindless entertainment way, but a depressing Hollywood-has-come-to-this way. This is a painful viewing experience. But, as is custom in Hollywood, this shit still made millions. With a gross of $184 million, Pitch Perfect 3 is the second-highest-grossing musical comedy of all time, second only to bloody Pitch Perfect 2. Damn it people, stop paying to see these films! Unless of course *shameless marketing incoming* you want to buy a copy from us, in which case yes, do pay to see this film. You’ll love it! It’s a masterpiece! It’s one of the best- I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to compliment Pitch Perfect 3 in any way. I feel so dirty even joking about it.

But in all seriousness, avoid Pitch Perfect 3 at all costs. You will hate every second of this torturous 93 minutes of awful jokes, cheesy characters and shit music. You can do a lot better than this. Unless you have ridiculously low standards, like my girlfriend - who is seemingly very happy with me. There is absolutely nothing to like here. When asked about whether this is truly the end of Pitch Perfect or not, director Trish Sie said “as far as I’m concerned, I would see these movies on and on and on until they start sucking”. Well, Trish, I hate to break it to you, but this one ‘sucked’. It was almost offensively bad and it made me feel ill. Please don’t make another one. Please.
If there’s any justice in this world, this is the end of Pitch Perfect forever. 

Sam Love

Pitch Perfect 3 at CeX

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