Monday, 13 May 2019

Avengers: Endgame ★★★★★


It's been eleven years since Tony Stark first announced the the world the iconic phrase "I am Iron Man", and we have finally been greeted in 2019 with the movie that attempts to tie up everything that has happened since. Endgame's plan is to take into their hands the emotional equivalent of your testicles and alternately massage and punch them into a paste. (Feel free to swap out testicles for a tender area of choice). 

Concerning spoilers: I am going to do everything I can to mention nothing that happens outside of the trailers you've already seen, as I was quietly threatened by a big-eared mouse with a high pitched voice on the way into the cinema, and I could've sworn I saw Walt himself fashioning a shivs red felt-tip pens in the shadows. However, there will be major Infinity War spoilers throughout.


Endgame picks up just after the world-altering catastrophe of Avengers Infinity War, wherein a big horrible purple man called Thanos killed fifty per cent of all living creatures in the universe and our surprise he even made the film end just after this trauma, causing us all to have PTSD (Pretty Terrible Sleep, Disney).

Aside from a brief moment at the end of Ant-man and The Wasp, we have been all very much left in the dark about what The Avengers are planning to do to fix the much lighter world they now live in.  The brief after-credits scene featuring Captain Marvel in her eponymous movie was to my surprise a prequel scene, based moments before the start of Avengers: Endgame, and unfortunately has almost as much Captain Marvel screen time as all of Endgame.

I haven't seen a comic book movie before, that felt so much like what makes comic books great as opposed to just being a structured story with superheroes. The writing and directing in Endgame is outstanding, on more than one occasion everyone in the audience gasped loudly or clapped their hands with firm primal joy. Throwbacks and fan-servicey moments are in abundance, I won't detail them here for your emotional safety.  There is one sequence in the movie that is destined to be the new benchmark for war scenes, that makes The Lord of The Rings battles, looks like the Lego Lord of The Rings battles and is the most IMAX worthy thing I have ever seen.

 The Russo brothers, the directors of most of the best MCU movies, have been quoted previously, saying that this film would be more of an emotional rollercoaster and much more of a tearjerker than Infinity War and I would be inclined to agree. You will need tissues. You will be emotional. I have heard the phrase 'Not a dry eye in the house' but this was the first time I have heard everyone in the cinema audibly weeping for at least 90 minutes.


I'm sure on hearing how wonderful this movie has been, you now find yourself wondering whether or not there is an opportunity to pee throughout the 181 minutes. The short answer? No, there absolutely is not. The pacing is so jam-packed I wouldn't be surprised to find out the original cut was over five hours long, and the film is so compelling I would have rather, all hyperbole aside, peed in my pants than moved. Contrary to the Marvel standard, there are NO after credits scenes or mid-credits scenes this time which will give those of us with more expressive bladders an escape.

Marvel has done something incredible these past eleven years, and to say it was worth the wait is an understatement.  The only thing I would say about it in a negative light is that if you haven't been watching the MCU movies up to this point, you will have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on. Every line is an in-joke or a reference to a previous movie and you will be lost. Aside from that, this is the most complex and impressive thing I have ever seen from an action movie/comic book movie standpoint, and you will not be disappointed. A fitting end to the Infinity Stone Saga. Bring tissues. 

★★★★★
David Roberts



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