OnePlus 5T ★★★☆☆

OnePlus has had decided to launch their phones whenever they are ready, rather than 1 phone a year as other companies tend to do with their flagships. OnePlus 5 was launched less than 6 months back only to be replaced with OnePlus 5T recently. Will the 18:9 screen and improved camera make people switch to the new version, let's have a quick glance below before you decide to take the leap.

Design & Hardware 

Right off the bat, the 18:9 6 inch AMOLED display feels right in the hands and looks similar to the Oppo F5 or LG G6, but sadly nowhere near to the Samsung screens on S8. The body is all aluminium curved at the sides and sharp crease around the edges. With just one colour option of Midnight Black, it's not the best looking phone and you won't identify it from the OnePlus 5 at a distance. No water or dust resistance is a disadvantage too.

The bottom of the phone has a 3.5mm jack, Type C port, and a speaker grill, while the top is bare. The Alert Slider that lets you switch between Silent, DND & Ring is on the left along with the volume buttons. The power button is on the right with the Dual nano SIM slot above it. At the back is the fingerprint sensor with the Dual Camera setup above it. The front just has the front camera on the left. Surprisingly the phone is slightly bigger, hence heavier than OP5. 

Under the hood, you'll find the same Snapdragon 835 with 6GB/64GB and 8GB/128GB variants that were seen on the OnePlus 5. The phone supports 4G on one Sim only and does not have a Micro-SD card slot. At 3300 mAh the battery is more than enough to last the full day and thanks to Dash Charging it can go from 0 to 100 in less than an hour! 

Software

The software is OnePlus' own Oxygen OS which forked out from Android 7.1 Nougat last year but looks like they missed the boat on Android 8.0 Oreo. The update is promised early next year. The OS is smooth and lag free with more customisations than stock Android. Some new updates include Parallel Apps letting you run 2 instances of an app with different account simultaneously. iPhone Migrations assistant if you're switching over from iOS. Game DND mode, Night Mode, Dark UI, facial recognition unlocking which isn't the most secure nor works well in low light.

Camera

In terms of camera performance, there's not a world of improvement which honestly wasn't even expected. 16MP camera takes great daylight photos but the portrait mode doesn't give the feel that you get from the S8 or the iPhone 8. Software blurring can never replicate the results that a dedicated lens can produce! The rear camera does not have a telephoto lens for wide angle photography, instead has a 20MP low light sensor for great night shots. The user can't control when the second camera is activated and sometimes it switched even with enough daylight. The front 16MP camera can beautify your selfies and has different styles for ethnicity background that it identifies based on your SIM card... Odd if you ask me. Video recording maxes out at 4k/30fps which is as good as you'll need in your daily use.

Multimedia

Navigating through the apps and games on the phone is a breeze and it makes multitasking look like a cakewalk! Videos look great and 3D games like Asphalt Xtreme run with ease thanks to the powerful GPU. The speaker is good for games but raising the volume to the max often causes it to distort. The phone sadly does not come with earphones even though this is the most expensive OnePlus device yet. 

Conclusion

With major changes being just the screen ratio and slight modification of the camera, the OnePlus 5T can be ignored if you already have the OnePlus 5. If you want a better-looking phone look at the Xiaomi Mi Mix 2 or the LG G6 which is marginally higher in price but a stronger flagship. Some regions have a lot more access to Honor phones which are cheaper and do a better job.

★★★☆☆

Pritesh Khilnani

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Cars 3 ★★★☆☆

‘Cars 1’ was never my favourite Pixar movie (nothing can beat the ones back in the day – ‘Toy Story’ and ‘A Bug’s Life’ to name a few), but I still thought it was an enjoyable watch. ‘Cars 2’ sadly wasn’t up to much, with most agreeing that it lacked depth and direction. This alone made me worried that ‘Cars 3’ was going to be an absolute car crash (excuse the pun), but thankfully I found myself pleasantly surprised.

Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson), the most popular racing car since his mentor, Doc Hudson (Paul Newman), is ready to win yet another championship. Unfortunately for him, there’s new kids on the block – namely Jackson Storm, a powerful new competitor who leads the next generation of high-powered, technology-focused racing cars. These cars all train using virtual reality and intense gym-like regimes, and unfortunately McQueen just isn’t what he used to be, leading to him fading into the background as the new cars take over. 

After a bit of a slump, McQueen is finally ready to try again as he agrees to be trained by personal trainer Cruz (Cristela Alonzo), a personal trainer who also has dreams of her own. On the surface, Cruz seems slightly irritating, but she’s actually a really well-thought out character which becomes apparent once we discover why she trains. She’s also a great role model for girls who are into the ‘Cars’ franchise, and one that many girls interested in racing, sports, and other hobbies typically viewed as ‘boy interests’ will be able to relate to. 

The new characters in ‘Cars 3’ make quite a nice change from ‘Cars 2’ where it all just felt a bit stale. Mater, although a loyal and trustworthy friend, is pushed to the sidelines this time, allowing McQueen to take centre stage as tries his best not to fail. Many of the new additions are fleeting, but their small screen-time still makes an impact. Despite not being alive anymore Doc Hudson is key to the storyline, and there’s lots of nostalgia as characters reminisce about the good ol’ days and the similarities between both him and McQueen. 

The film actually promotes some really positive messages for kids, namely not giving up at the first hurdle, selflessness and helping others, and also the idea of being true to yourself and not selling out (even if you could make some real money from those awesome mud flap designs). They’re all quite important messages to convey, particularly in the modern day.

As well as an underlying message there’s also loads of excitement to be had, with some really entertaining scenes such as a ridiculously crazy Demolition Derby in which McQueen and Cruz come face to face with an angry, Mrs. Trunchbull-esque school bus, and a hilarious part where Cruz learns (very slowly) to race on sand for the first time. It’s got the classic story arc that all kids’ films do so it doesn’t feel particularly original, but it still works.

I can gladly say that ‘Cars 3’ has restored my faith in this particular series from Pixar. It’s an easy watch with lots of capturing moments – sure, it’s not Pixar’s finest, but it still entertains. 3/5

★★★☆☆

Hannah Read

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The Dark Tower ★☆☆☆☆

It has been a truly mammoth year for fans of Stephen King. 2017 has brought us TV adaptations of The Mist and Mr. Mercedes, Netflix films of 1922 and Gerald’s Game, and a truly remarkable adaptation of his 1986 classic It. But while critics and audiences have loved seeing the malevolent Pennywise feeding on the fear and dishing out balloons, the response for The Dark Tower has been a little less friendly. Despite the acting talents of Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey, this big-sreen Kingian adventure left a hell of a lot to be desired.

For those who haven’t read the books, firstly, you’re not alone. I haven’t read one word from the 4,250 page 8-part series, and I thought I’d be safe to jump straight into this film without any prior knowledge. Despite technically taking place after the events of the books, it was marketed as something of a new start – something that newcomers could sink their teeth into. It was not. I didn’t have a gosh-darn clue what was going on for most of the film. And when I did know what was going on, I didn’t care that it was going on. I watched the entire film in a state that oscillated wildly between not understanding and simply not giving a shit.

Put briefly, the story is thus: a young boy (Tom Taylor) is experiencing frightening visions of a big tower being attacked by Walter, an all-black wearing nutter (Matthew McConaughey). But his visions also show him a hero that can save the day – a gunslinging rootin’ tootin’ cowboy named Roland (Idris Elba). So when the young boy finds a portal into Mid-World, a post-apocalyptic frontier, imagine his surprise when he finds out that his visions are real and he can help save the world from McConaughey’s Johnny Cash wannabe ‘Man in Black’…

I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot more to the story on the page – hell, there must be more to it than this when it takes place across 8 books. And maybe that’s part of the problem. Like The Independent concluded in their reviews round up earlier in the year, maybe this film was an over-simplified insult to the books. But, as the round-up also theorised, it was also far too convoluted for anyone like me who hasn’t experienced the books. I didn’t have a clue what any of the characters motives were, like why McConaughey wanted to fuck the world up so much? But it wasn’t just motives that left me stumped. Why was Roland immune to Walter’s unspecific powers? The list of questions is longer than you’d get from a child who’s just binge-watched the entire Lost series.

Stephen King’s work usually translates excellently to screen. The Shining, The Shawshank Redemption, Misery, Carrie, Christine, Stand by Me and The Green Mile are just a small number of the enormous list of examples. But this? This doesn’t even come close. It’s utter nonsense. Even Elba and McConaughey can’t save it – and they’re two of the finest actors we have working today. McConaughey’s renaissance could be over off the failure of this alone, and Elba…Well, he’ll get away with it because he’s a legend. But it’s still a damp squib on his career.

So what was the issue? It must be the poor adapting of King’s novels with a screenplay that is, rather troublingly, credited to a staggering four people. If we struggle to connect to any of the narrative or the characters, then nothing else matters. If we simply don’t care, then we don’t have our eyes and ears open enough to enjoy the visuals or score – assets of the film that I simply cannot remember. Did it look pretty? Did it sound pretty? Who knows. All I know is it was utter toss.

The Dark Tower was intended to be the beginning of a big-screen franchise. If we get a Dark Tower 2, I’ll be flabbergasted. Ah, flabbergasted. That’s a great word. There’s more fun to be had reading that word than watching this film. So, let me save you 90 minutes. Flabbergasted. You’re welcome.

★☆☆☆☆

Sam Love

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Cash In Unwanted Presents

CeX made the Yahoo Finance list for how to make money out of your unwanted Christmas presents!

"If you’re looking for instant money, check out your local CeX shop. With many chains around the UK, CeX takes all types of tech products."

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The Hitman's Bodyguard ★★★★☆

With approximately seven billion action movies now in existence (note: could be an exaggeration), it’s sometimes hard to find something within the genre that’s original enough to still be enjoyable. Whilst Netflix’s newest original movie ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ (directed by Patrick Hughes) isn’t going to be film of the year, it’s still a great watch that I wouldn’t recommend missing.

Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is a professional triple-A bodyguard whose career abruptly ended after a client he was protecting got shot in the head. After a surprise call from ex-girlfriend Amelia Roussel (Elodie Yung), an Interpol agent, Bryce finds himself back in the game, though this time he’s got to Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) – a well-known and established hitman who is the world’s only hope at criminalising Russian dictator Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman) who is currently on trial for ethnic cleansing. Both Bryce and Kincaid are chalk and cheese, and so they have to put their differences behind them to get to the trial without the Russians wiping them out.

I will admit that ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ does not start off particularly well – some of the jokes fall flat, and it really takes between 30 to 45 minutes to get into the swing of things. An excessive use of foreshadowing means that plot twists don’t really come as a surprise, but thankfully the use of comedy and great action scenes mean it’s still entertaining despite that. 

After this initial problem, the humour suddenly becomes hilarious – as you can imagine, Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson together are a force to be reckoned with. Some of the best scenes are those that simply involve a conversation between the two of them, as the banter is always on point and they have great chemistry. Jackson’s role is quite a standard one for him, but it’s what he does best.

Supporting characters are also very good – Selma Hayek in particular has quite a surprising role this time around as the feisty wife of Kincaid who just doesn’t hold back, but she does a really good job. Besides the fact that his accent randomly turns German for the final part of the film, Oldman makes a convincing Russian dictator, although I do wish we’d seen slightly more of him. Also on the bad side, Ed Sheeranikov (played by Yuri Kolokolnikov – totally not his character’s name but he really does look like a burly Russian Ed Sheeran) is a high-powered and entertaining antagonist alongside Oldman, and his fight scenes with Bryce in the final third of the film were definitely one of my highlights.

As you can imagine, the film doesn’t take itself particularly seriously, but because of this there are some highly memorable scenes (the flashback to how Kincaid and his wife first met, to name a few). It’s got that same visual humour that films like ‘Deadpool’ and even oldies such as ‘Airplane’ have, where you’re just as likely to get a laugh from what’s going on in the background as what’s happening right in front of you.

I was also really impressed with the filming style – if you’ve watched Netflix’s ‘Daredevil’ series then the fight scenes will seem rather familiar. Indoor scenes were particularly cosy, and really made you feel like you were right in the action. Second unit also really had their work cut out for them, with action scenes that were likely super complicated to film but felt effortless. It’s hard nowadays to make a car chase feel innovative as they are so overdone, but the main one in ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ didn’t fail to disappoint.

With a great soundtrack (including ‘Black Betty’ by Ram Jam, which always goes down well) and a cast perfectly chosen for their characters, ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ is a good one to try out if you want something fast-paced with a lot of comedy charm. The first half was a 3/5 but the ingenuity of the second half was definitely up there as a 5, so the film averages out nicely.

★★★★☆

Hannah Read

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Middle Earth: Shadow of War

‘Shadow of War’, the newest game to be released from Monolith, is the long-awaited sequel to ‘Shadow of Mordor’ that was widely known as game of the year for 2014, using its much lauded nemesis system which faces you off against hierarchies of randomly generated enemies who all have completely different personalities and traits. You play as Talion/Celebrimbor once again, still undying and trying to take the fight to Sauron and save Middle Earth from complete domination.

So first let’s focus on how the nemesis system has been improved and expanded upon since the first game.  There are many more types of Uruks/orcs in the pool which the system pulls from to generate enemy captains and warchiefs which leads to some entertaining scenarios for talion to overcome. I think it’s easy to say that it’s probably the main selling point of the game, but the problem with so much focus being put on it is that potentially other areas might not have been updated quite as much, meaning that they won’t feel particularly new. Unfortunately for ‘Shadow of War’, this worry happens to ring true more than once.

The story in the game is what you might expect from a ‘Lord of the Rings’ franchise, which should be a good thing as it means that it’s familiar to the player and feels like a sequel. However, it’s probably the weakest area of the game, as it just feels so secondary to everything else. There are still many throwbacks to ‘Lord of the Rings’ films (which would be a disappointment if there wasn’t, frankly), and many recognisable characters, such as Gollum and the newly introduced spider queen Shelob, make an appearance at some point. If you’re a fan of the original books or the films then their inclusion is something that you will definitely enjoy.

The problem is that, for a game with over 50 hours of content, there aren’t really any surprises, and the story just feels so standard. The gameplay mechanics haven’t changed much from the first game, with fighting style still very much the same with a few new extra moves added in. I’m not saying it’s a bad fighting system, because it does the job it’s supposed to, but when you consider how long the game is you’re likely to find it getting repetitive pretty fast.

One thing that has changed, however, is that a new loot system has been added – orc captains in the hierarchy of the nemesis system will drop loot based on a rarity scale going from common to legendary. These weapons and armour have various attributes attached to them which can mix up the gameplay a little bit, and if you are the kind of person who hoards loot (yep, me too) then you will certainly enjoy this new inclusion.

The gameplay loop throughout has changed as now, instead of just trying to take the war chiefs out like in the previous game, you are now raising an army in various openwork locations to conquer nemesis strongholds to take for yourself. This can lead to some excellent situations as orcs can come from different tribes, meaning that they have different abilities, and sometimes they can have different traits such as ‘blood brothers’. Once you have raised your army and captured a stronghold you must then place an orc in charge for defence and occasionally you’ll have to jump into the action.

As great as it sounds, it’s just too complex. It’s a lot more confusing than it needs to be, and the intense focus on strategy means that you’re spending most of your time navigating various menus which, in my opinion, isn’t all that fun. The menus themselves can be quite slow as they’re not all that intuitive, and so you might find yourself getting somewhat bored – there are six strongholds in total and so micro-managing all of them can take ages, plus the levels of management needed increases quite dramatically towards the end of the game if you’re trying to get a true ending. It just gets a bit ridiculous if I’m honest.

The other issue I had was with the loot box and microtransactions situation. This has been in the news of late and ‘Shadow of War’ certainly brings the anger about - the game feels like the difficulty is inflated to make you buy loot boxes that contain orcs and weapons and so on.  It is possible to finish it without spending your money, but I can’t promise that it’s going to be fun.

The minute to minute gameplay of fighting orcs and building relationships with certain captains who won't just die is still as enjoyable as the first game, but you are sometimes so bogged down in the strategic part of the game that you may begin to miss out on all the fun. It’s a great game for the first five hours or so, but sadly it’s this repetition and overuse of strategy that leads me to give it an average.

★★★☆☆

Hannah Read

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Assassin's Creed Origins ★★★★☆

In what feels like a very long time, it’s been a whole two years since the last ‘Assassin’s Creed’ game came out. Ubisoft got into the habit of releasing lots of the same franchise in a short space of time and, despite the excitement that came with it, I think we all started to feel the same thing – that there was no ingenuity left. ‘Assassin’s Creed: Origins’ is the newest installment, and now the development team have used the time to actually come up with something new it feels like a breath of fresh air.

This time round Ubisoft have gone completely back to the drawing board, which is apparent in all features of the game. As far as the story is concerned this is now an origins story of the Brotherhood of the Assassins and their fight against the Templars. You play as Bayek, an Egyptian who is considered the last Medjay. After being wronged by a group of shadowy figures he focuses all his strength on getting revenge.

The story itself is very good and contains some really good voice-acting, although unfortunately, the voices themselves seemed muffled and hard to hear during the cutscenes due to loud music and sound effects taking over (I needed subtitles on to understand what was going on). These cutscenes are so well directed though, but really they’re just a backdrop for the world that has been created – you could probably play the entire game without a story and still really enjoy it.

 ‘Assassin’s Creed’ worlds have always been stunning (I remember being blown away by the first one as it was unlike any world I’d ever seen at that point) and this one really gives further games something to live up to. I’ve got quite used to vibrant, bustling streets of old in the series, and so the arid, sloped deserts that seem to go on forever make quite a nice change. You can tell Ubisoft are proud of their newest creation (and rightly so) as the game now features photo mode, like several other games that have come out recently. Visuals are important for me, so I love having this option in a game (even if it does mean I spend 90% of my time taking photos rather than completing the story).

There’s a much stronger RPG feel this time round, moving away from the typical action-adventure style of before. The map is massive, and split up into several areas crammed with side-quests and activities. Perhaps it’s too large – at points it felt overwhelming (as many ‘Assassin’s Creed’ games have done) and could have done with a little more direction. It’s now level-based as well, and you’ll certainly struggle if you enter the higher level areas prematurely.

They’ve also added a loot system (yay!) akin to ‘Witcher 3’, where you can find coloured loot based on rarity ranging from common to legendary. The system itself is excellent, but there’s no looted armour apart from shields – outfits can be bought but they’re purely cosmetic, so I feel like Ubisoft could have gone further with this to add some more complexity.

Fighting is also completely different to previous games and doesn’t feel quite so watered down anymore. It plays a lot more like For Honor (Ubisoft again) and is much more tactical, requiring you to attack, parry, defend, and dodge. Perfect timing is crucial for some moves, and it just feels a lot more improved. One nice little throwback to ‘Black Flag’ (my personal favourite) is the hunting skill, which is used for upgrades on armour and weapons. It’s very streamlined, but felt tacked on rather than integrated with the gameplay.

Thankfully the days of faces in the fireplace are gone, with very little in the way of glitches and bugs. Ubisoft have really taken their time with this one and it shows in quality of gameplay. If I’m honest the franchise really needed the two-year break, but now ‘Origins’ has come back to being one of the best ‘Assassin’s Creed’ games to date, and I’m excited to see what could come next.

★★★★☆

Hannah Read

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War For The Planet Of The Apes ★★★★★

When Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out back in 2011, I was a little skeptical. I’ve never been one for reboots or remakes, and the Planet of the Apes series has always had a special place in my heart. What can I say, I love an ape. Who doesn’t? In my experience, this sort of modern reboot is nothing but bad news and a kick in the balls to the original film. Flash forward 6 years, and I’m sat in the cinema watching War for the Planet of the Apes. I laugh. I cry. I cheer. I restrain myself from outright applauding the film.

Yes, War for the Planet of the Apes was incredible. Like the aforementioned Rise and 2014’s Dawn, the film is an unforgettably moving and complex spectacle – and, even as an old-school Planet of the Apes fan – I would consider this to be the entire saga’s finest hour. Those who’ve seen Rise and Dawn will know just how stunning these films are; rich in character development and depth, never resorting to in-your-face CGI for the sake of it. Michael Bay this is not. There’s more human drama here than you’ll find in a thousand Manchester By The Sea’s, despite the hero being a chimpanzee…Hell, Andy Serkis’ performance as Caesar is so damn remarkable that you’ll think you’re watching a classically trained chimp acting in front of your very eyes. 

Picking up two years after the end of Dawn, War follows our hero being forced into a deadly conflict with a ruthless colonel (Woody Harrelson) as the apes’ journey comes to an explosive end. Expect a powerful and complex story with themes of slavery, captivity and the psychological effects of war – and apes with guns. Any film that can pull off all of these things is pretty remarkable, right? If an ape pumping a shotgun can be delivered with such gritty moodiness, and not become a laughing stock, is very impressive. Rise pulled it off, Dawn pulled it off, and War certainly did.

At two and a half hours, War is the longest entry in the updated Apes saga; and despite a very slow-burning narrative, the film flies by in what feels like minutes. While on the surface not a huge amount happens, this film is incredibly deep. I watched – no, experienced the film twice on the big screen in the space of a week, and not once did my interest or attention dip. The entire cast are on phenomenal form, with special mention going to the great Karin Konoval who continues to act as the trilogy’s heart and soul in the form of gentle orangutan Maurice. Woody Harrelson is, unsurprisingly, excellent too. The narrative and visuals transport the viewer to this apey planet with great aplomb, and Michael Giacchino’s score is ear-porn of the most orgasmic quality. And the addition of Steve Zahn’s Bad Ape to the saga provides much-needed and very effective comic relief.

The only bad thing about this film is that it ends – and, indeed, that it brings one of the finest trilogies in years to a close. No more Caesar. No more Maurice. No more Rocket. No more Bad Ape. But this can’t be considered a criticism when the film delivers one of the most powerful and fitting climaxes in trilogy history. Move over, Lord of the Rings. You’re now not the only consistently great trilogy of recent years. It says a lot about the quality of a film when genuinely the only criticism is that it comes to an end and can’t entertain you all day. While it hasn’t been officially confirmed that this is the end for the saga – the ending is somewhat open – I hope we don’t go back. It’s such a perfect ending that to add even another frame would be to taint it. That’s why I’m so aggressively anti-Toy Story 4.

War for the Planet of the Apes is, and I don’t use this word lightly, a masterpiece. Every damn thing about it works. I can’t find one bad word to say against it. It just works on every single level. The visuals, the acting, the story, the music…It’s all perfect. As we get closer and closer to 2018, I am starting to consider my 2017 Top 10 – and I can guarantee the end of Caesar’s journey will surely make an appearance in the top end of the list. 

★★★★★

Sam Love

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South Park: The Fractured But Whole ★★★★☆

Just like life, South Park: The Fractured But Whole is all about a great pussy conspiracy and ends up being one long fart joke. Set the morning after South Park: The Stick of Truth ends, you're still the same New Kid that lets his arse do all the talking. Cartman's realised that he's losing his epic larping fantasy game and conveniently switches it to Superheroes, with the ex machina of a missing cat named scrambles. Cartman plans to find the cat and use the $100 reward money to start his own superhero, "Coon and Friends", franchise. Things just escalate from there. The change in game, that the kids are playing, strips you of the fantasy world status that you've acquired and forces you to start building your new superhero persona, from scratch. I thought this was a clever way of handling your sudden lack of power. I've seen games make a complete mess when trying to explain why you're suddenly powerless in the sequel.

The Coon (Eric Cartman) sits you down, in the Coon Cave, to help you realise your potential. You pick what class you wish to play as. Initially, you only have three to pick from, Brutalist, close range, and power punches. Speedster, basically the Flash and Blaster is your magic powers type. By the end of the game, there are ten classes, in total, and you can pick and mix the ones you want.

Fighting has been changed to a grid-based combat system, along the lines of Final Fantasy Tactics or Fire Emblem. Personally, I preferred the turn based, straight up Paper Mario rip off, combat system of the first game. While the grid does make it more involved, it also slowed the pace of the fights. Clothes no longer give stat boosts, so it doesn't matter what you wear and you're not forced to wear a dorky hat just because it gives you some extra strength bonus.

Like most RPG’s there are a lot of little systems and menus that sort of seem overwhelming, but the game introduces them to you quite slowly and explains everything as you go. You loot draws and cupboards for crafting items and The Amazing Butthole will leave them all open after. A bit like a certain someone I know.  If anything, the game holds your hand a bit too much. You're never stuck as for where to go or what you need to do next.

As you'd expect from South Park, there's a lot of social commentary. Some of it being quite subtle, like everyone in the game is always glued to their dependable phone. NPC's and even Fart-Lord, if left alone for two seconds, will pull out their smartphone to distract themselves from the world around them. (Ironic, as I'm writing this on my phone...). At the start of the game, during the character creator, There is no option for male or female, that's subjectively down to how you identify yourself. You pick your skin tone with an emphasis on its effects on the game's difficulty. Cartman states "It’s alright, this doesn’t affect combat, just every other aspect of your life". Over the course of the game, it makes a big point on filling out your character sheet. What you identify as in terms of Gender and Sexuality, your Race and Ethnicity (of which British/English isn't an option).

Ultimately, I figure as a commentary on real life or at least as it should be, none of this makes any real difference to the game, despite how it's propositioned. You might get a slight variation on some dialogue, but that's about it. The game never seems to try stepping over the line as much as the last game did. Aside from a dodgy lap-dancing mini-game near the start, the rest of the game is fairly tame... at least by South Park standards.

★★★★☆

Bry Wyatt

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Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus ★★★★☆

Wolfenstein: The New Order destroyed my expectations, in 2014. I was expecting a mindless hyper-violent shooter but what I got was a hyper-violent shooter wrapped in a cohesive and compelling storyline. Hardly surprising when you realise MachineGames, the developers of the current gen Wolfenstein, is made up of old Starbreeze employees. The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, for the original Xbox, first displayed their knack of storytelling within a first-person perspective, and then The Darkness showcased this again in the early days of the 360. Both of which didn't get the attention they deserved.

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus is a Continuation of the highly underrated 2014 Wolfenstein: The New Order. After your last fight with Deathshead, where you were left half blown up, you're rescued by your surviving mitkämpferen. They patch you up and remove what's left of your organs and then you spend the next few months in and out of a coma, where your dreams are used to quickly fill the player in on the events of Wolfenstein: The New Order.

You're rudely awakened by a squad of Nazis that have been tracking the Submarine, that your rebel allies have all been using as a home and a base of operations; ever since you commandeered it in the first game. The U-boat, Eva's Hammer, acts as a sort of hub between levels. It's quite a large and highly detailed environment, with ridiculous amounts of pipes and flashy things, a canteen, science lab, chill-out bar and everyone's living quarters. Each cabin is filled with tiny details to tell a bit about each character living on the U-boat. Except for people outside the core group... they get to live on the floor, in the corridors because their in-game model has a lower polygon count and their lip syncing is slightly off.

The böse Miststück, Frau Engel has a personal vendetta towards William "B.J." Blazkowicz, after you blew half of her face off and killed her toyboy lover, Bubi, during the events of Wolfenstein: The New Order. She's now promoted to General Commander and is quite happy to order her men kill you, any way possible. Luckily, you're der tapferer Mann mit eine großen Waffe und the game has some pretty dumb AI that will run over a pile of their buddies dead bodies and head straight at you. Allowing you to just funnel the enemies through a doorway and dual weapon them until they stop coming.

The story touches on a lot of heavy and hard to cover the subject matter. Obviously, there's the Nazi and white supremacy as the main story narrative but the game also flashes back to Blazkowicz as child, a few times, and you learn of his suffering with domestic abuse from his father and the time he was forced to go all Old Yeller on the family dog. This isn't the only case of domestic abuse, in the game, either. Sigrun is harshly treated by her Mutter, Frau Engel.

Each area is full of collectible items to help fill in back stories and the world they live in. The game often seems confused, as to, if it wants you to run around frantically shooting everything or be taking your time to find a hidden art card wedged between two desks. You can easily miss a pickup, whether it be ammo, health or a collectible, as the detection box is annoyingly small. Your sights need to be directly over it, which isn't easy mid-battle and you'll often end up finding things, after a shootout, that would have come in pretty handy two minutes ago.

Mick Gordon returns to make another one of his drop string, guitar-heavy and moody soundtracks for a Bethesda title. His work on last year's Doom was not only fitting to the game's design but the way the dynamically changing music played out to the carnage on screen, would help amplify the visual energy.

MachineGames got to focus on a story driven and single-player experience with no needlessly tacked on multiplayer to district from their development time. It seems odd that, with all the attention to detail, Blazkowicz doesn't make any visible splash when he jumps into water…. The ripple effect is nice though. Anfangen ist leicht, beharren eine kunst.

★★★★☆

Bry Wyatt

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Save money with CeX at Christmas

We made the lovemoney.com list of ways to save money this Christmas!

"During Christmas it helps to sell before you buy! Dig out your old CDs, DVDs and electronics send them CeX for some extra cash."

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Love money? Want to tackle the DVD tower of doom?

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Console Repairs in Birmingham

Got a broken console? Don’t throw it away in despair, CeX now offer a NO FIX NO FEE console repair service called CeX Clinic! So if you are looking for a reliable place to get your console fixed in Birmingham, head to CeX Birmingham and speak to our staff for details.

Common faults we repair:

• Laser problems
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Console Repairs in Derby

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Common faults we repair:

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Console Repairs in Milton Keynes

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Common faults we repair:

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Console Repairs in Brighton & Hove

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Common faults we repair:

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Console Repairs in London

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Common faults we repair:

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Emoji Movie ★★★★★★

It is with humble honour and the greatest humility that I give you my review of inarguably the best movie of the year.

For better or for worse, you can’t escape The Emoji Movie in 2017. Never has a children’s film thrown up so much controversy and conjured such ire from critics. However, being the ethical journalist that I am, I ignored all this negativity and went in with cautious optimism and an open mind.

And I can confirm that every one of those expert critics, reviewers, and writers couldn’t have been more wrong - this is the Citizen Kane of the modern era. Don’t believe me? Read on to find out all the completely un-sarcastic reasons why The Emoji Movie is my pick to clean up the Oscars this year.

The Good

The biggest (of the many) strengths of The Emoji Movie is its relatable protagonist, a ‘meh’ emoji known as Gene. Now, all Gene wants to do is find his place in the world of Textopolis (the city that apparently exists behind every phone screen), and we follow his trials and tribulations as he meets a whole host of zany characters and discovers not only the secrets of the digital landscape but perhaps most importantly, himself.

What’s more, the sheer excellence of The Emoji Movie isn’t limited to the story, as the animation style manages to be equally brilliant. It truly is remarkable what computer generated graphics can be achieved nowadays, allowing an audience to become easily immersed and empathise with what are essentially pixels and polygons. The Emoji Movie is no exception to this trend and definitely doesn’t look like as dated as an early 2000s Dreamworks film. Trust me…

If stellar storytelling and presentation weren’t enough to impress even the most stoic critic, we’re also treated to a musical number for the ages. Witnessing the ‘Emoji Bop’ was a transcendent experience; I felt compelled to throw roses at the screen as I fought back the tears. As previously mentioned, The Emoji Movie is sure to clear out the Oscars, however if it doesn’t also have a strong showing at the Grammys, it’ll be a crime against music. 

Finally, as life-affirmingly entertaining as The Emoji Movie was, it serves a much more serious purpose that it would be missed of me not to mention. Through selfless product placement, it reminds us and the next generation of the online services we should be using like Spotify and Dropbox. I balk at the notion that this is a flagrant attempt to advertise to children, such cynicism should be derided. This is nothing short of a public service by the creators of The Emoji Movie.

The Bad

I feel that I’m doing the film a disservice by even including this section. My only grievance is with the unfair backlash to this underrated, misunderstood masterpiece.

The Verdict

Don’t listen to the critics.

The Emoji Movie is a gift, a piece of art without flaw and something that I hope will be on the national school syllabus soon. Film of the year is an understatement, even film of the decade sells it short, for truly there is no parable. Thank you The Emoji Movie, thank you.

I’d also just like to reiterate that this review is definitely not sarcastic. Promise.

★★★★★★

Sir Thomas Baker

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there across the US. Raise your glass and get stuffed!

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